being different

I had quite an interesting cultural experience this weekend that I thought I would share. I feel sort of hesitant to post about this because it involves a high emotion subject... race. Whenever this topic comes up, I feel so paralyzed to speak, because it almost always feels like I will offend someone no matter what comes out of my mouth. So trust me when I say that I am just processing my own thoughts on this, and please take this in the humble and admittedly naive spirit in which it is intended.

I attended an African American church service this weekend, pastored by an African American baptist pastor. It was to fulfill a class assignment- to experience an event, service or group of another cultural or ethnic group, and part of the assignment was to attend the event alone. So here I am, driving alone in my car feeling nervous about going to church! I felt anxious about standing out, having people stare at me ("what is that white girl doing here?"), being welcomed or scorned- and it hit me (and this is where I recognize how very naive I must be), that this is how many non-white people feel EVERY DAY. I think about the city I grew up in, the college I attended and later worked at, the general population that I currently interact with every day at school, work, our apartment complex, the grocery store, the local park. I see people who look like me almost everywhere I look. Yesterday at church, I had a glimpse of what it is like to look around a very large room, full of a lot of people, and see only a handful of people who look like you.

(The interesting thing about this is that non-white groups are growing faster than white people, and studies predict that by the year 2050, white people will actually make up less than 50% of the population of the US. So if this is true, and non-white people are really growing so quickly in numbers- where are they? Why don't I see more people of color in my day to day routine? Obviously our nation is much more segregated than we think it is).

As for my actual experience at the service? Amazing. Of course no one looked at me funny, and actually everyone was really friendly (more so than my own church?). Their 3 minute greeting time was actually spent greeting every single person sitting in your area! We've visited a lot of churches since we moved, and most of the time, you turn and awkwardly talk to a few people around you, and then everyone sits down and talks with those they came with. :) In any case, what a truly amazing worship service! The music was wonderful, the audience involved, energetic, enthusiastic and actually singing so loudly I could hear the richness of the man's voice standing behind me. The clapping was rhythmic and upbeat, the worship team did an incredible performance without it seeming like a performance, and the pastor was fantastic. He spoke for about an hour, and I was engaged the entire time- along with the rest of the congregation. He drew them in, me along with them. He was funny yet profound, speaking the truth yet full of love and compassion. I am grateful to have experienced this.