to do lists

Normally, I love to do lists. You can put your list together, and then one by one check items off with a fancy swoosh of your pen. It's so fulfilling to see the list dwindle until you are DONE! But do you ever have a hard time motivating yourself to get stuff done? That is where I am at right now. I am feeling super overwhelmed (I have 12+ books to read this summer, several papers, small group discussions, devotional plans, an exam, some cultural projects, regular household chores, shopping, cooking, house hunting, moving- if we find a house, financial decisions, varying tasks and projects at work- and my boss is out of the country right now, so it's all self-motivation, a few trips and weddings- which are fun (yay!) don't get me wrong, etc.), and all I want to do is pretend there is nothing on my to do list and have fun. Clearly this is my response to stress. But I took time out this weekend! A lot of time (a day spent at the Saturday market in Portland, games of Frisbee at the park...) I should be refreshed and ready to jump back in. My other response to my school related stress and my lack of motivation to start homework is to worry that I won't be a very good counselor! Ah, keeping your eyes on the goal is hard! The funny thing is, I think most people look at me and think I am on top of everything, that I am organized and timely, self-motivated, ambitious, a go-getter. And I am... I guess. I mean, I am in grad school, so that must say something. But I blow things off just like everyone else, and I procrastinate, and I waste time. I'm just so tired of "being the one who has it all together". Sometimes all I want is to be a mom and love my kids. And I know it's not that simplistic or easy (being a mom), but it does seem like an escape from this crazy pursuit of higher education! And I am so afraid of how people react to me when I say I am studying to be a counselor- it's one of two extremes: either they think I am immediately going to start analyzing them and they WANT me to share with them my expert wisdom and knowledge (ha!), or they run like crazy. I don't want that! I'm just here because I felt like it was the right thing to do, and now I want to know what comes next and I don't see it! Oh, but don't worry, I have it all together... man, I am in a crummy mood.

Okay, here is me checking "post a new blog" off my imaginary checklist (even though this is really just a form of procrastination).