our deepest fear

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

The above words were spoken by Nelson Mandela, and originally written by Marianne Williamson.

good friday

I came across this you tube video on one of my professor's blog and appreciated that I was forced to stop and reflect on this season of remembering Christ's death. Quite a juxtaposition to watch these scenes of The Passion of the Christ to the song "How Beautiful". But there is such beauty here, unspeakable beauty. It's a reminder that the Christ I confess is not a story, not a myth, not a metaphor, but a reality. The world was broken, and his life, death and resurrection make it possible for us to be healed and restored to fellowship with God. If you'd like to watch the video, you can see it here: How Beautiful is the Passion of Christ.

We just studied atonement in my theology class, and I came away with such a full understanding (and still so many questions) of what it means to be atoned by Christ's death. In this act, there is justification, a penalty paid for our sin, sacrifice, forgiveness, mercy, reconciliation, redemption, an example for life, and triumph over darkness. Each aspect of what atonement means reveals more of the beauty inherent in it. What little I do understand causes me to love God more fully and more completely and to be more convinced than ever that there is no other way toward Him than through Christ.

the best husband!

On a lighter note, this week I have a doctoral class going on at work (I support the doctoral program). During these classes, one of my many responsibilities is to make sure the students have yummy food throughout their class to get them through their long days - they meet all day for 4 days straight. Last night I stopped by campus to clean the room up and get it ready for class today. David was with me, so he came in and helped me put things away and prepare for the morning snacks - so helpful! But I didn't even realize how helpful until I got to work this morning, and went to go restock some of the baskets of goodies that I will put out this afternoon. He had already done it! He'd even made sure that there were 2 of every flavor or variety. Sweet guy! I am so thankful... :)

sifting

It has a been a loooooong time since I have posted anything too substantial. It's not because there isn't anything substantial going on with me; more like I'm being bombarded by new things, lessons about life, belief systems, ideas, work challenges, clients' issues, my issues, and on and on. The past several months have been actually pretty transformational for me, and it's sort of all still sifting and settling. Actually, it feels like I am being sifted - that God is challenging me to really look at myself and my life up to this point and is sifting out some of the crummy stuff that doesn't need to continue to drag me down. I'm taking a class this semester called group counseling, which is about how to learn to lead counseling groups. Since the seminary is committed to great pedagogy, they believe that experiential learning is one of the best methods to teach us students (note my slight ironic sarcasm here), so for this class it means that we have been divided into counseling groups which we have been meeting in weekly for the past 10 weeks or so. Talk about totally dreading something - you'd think a counselor in training would be so excited to get together with a bunch of classmates and talk about myself. Not the case - at first. This experience has been amazing for me. I've been challenged to take risks that I don't normally take with people, opening up more readily and more fully than I normally do. It has been so rewarding. In January, I also started my individual counseling that is required for me to graduate (I'm halfway through my 20 sessions), and have been getting so much out of this! It's hard. I have a renewed respect for every person who has ever been a client for any period of time. It is not easy to commit to making changes in your life. So this has been quite the intensive therapeutic semester for me. I'm comforted to know that during the sifting process, God still has me firmly in His grip. If you think about a sifter (or colander or whatever), that's the whole purpose of the device; to hold something securely while the unneeded stuff is sifted out from the good stuff. I can't imagine trying to get through life without knowing I'm held securely in God's hands.

the cake

Tomorrow I turn 28! Birthdays remind me of cake. And cake reminds me of THE CAKE. In college, I lived in an apartment with three amazing girls for my last two years of school. There are many fun memories I could recount from those years, but one of the best had to do with the celebration of each of our birthdays. We would make a big deal for one another, streamers put up before dawn, city statues decorated in the middle of the night with a surprise birthday sign, a kidnapping to a local breakfast place, special meals. But the best part of each of our birthdays was THE CAKE. One of my girlfriends introduced us to this decadent creation; a rich chocolate cake with a cream cheese chocolate chip filling, smothered in creamy gooey cream cheese frosting, and, as if there is not enough sugar already, topped with chocolate chips. Absolute perfection! We would make THE CAKE for each of our special days. And then the four of us would proceed to eat the entire 9x13 cake in about 36 hours. Lunch became an excuse to help ourselves to a piece, an afternoon snack was perfectly complimented by a sliver, and dinner - well, a healthy dinner only deserved a nice helping of dessert, right? All of us have since confessed to even topping breakfast off with a small bite or two. Ah, such bliss!