arctic blast 2008

Here's a few fun shots of the big snowfall we've had in the past few days. We've been "trapped" inside; with work cancelled for both David and I. We've watched movies, made cookies, played games, worked on a 2000 piece puzzle, read, caught up on random chores, and aside from going a little stir crazy, have enjoyed the forced relaxation. We've also ventured out a few times on long walks to Blockbuster, Fred Meyer, and the bank. Driving is possible but it seems more exciting to walk. We've been bundled up and had so much fun!

Enjoy! We have!

I love my husband. :)

Our driveway was super slick after about 1/4 inch of freezing rain fell the 2nd day.

Our pretty snow covered house.

Look how deep it is!

Yup, we made snow angels. :)

My attempt at being artistic. It is so pretty!

advent conspiracy

I love Christmas. I love the carols, the lights on the trees, the smell of evergreen in the house, eggnog, sparkling cider, and the Christmas goodies. I love remembering my first Christmas after I accepted Christ and the wonder I felt when singing familiar songs that had suddenly took on new meaning. I love the biblical accounts of the nativity. I love the fact that we have a day to celebrate Jesus' birth (even if he wasn't actually born on December 25th). I love that I serve a God who entered human history as a God-man.

I do not love the stress and politics of gift giving. I know - it is supposed to be fun. And I believe that there must be people who truly think it is fun to think of some wonderful gift for Aunt Jane or Brother in Law Joe, whom you barely have anything in common with and really do not know that well. To those people - perhaps you are a better person than I am. Truly, I mean that. Maybe there is something deeply and selfishly wrong with me that the above experience is one that I dread.

Or maybe I just long for a more meaningful way to celebrate Christmas? Maybe it is a little of both.

In any case, this year our tight finances forced us out of the majority of the stress and politics of gift giving. My heart is alternately light with my newfound freedom, and heavy with the guilt over being so happy.

But seriously, why do we as Christians give gifts to every person we know at Christmas time? Sunday school answer: Jesus was given as a gift to us; therefore we give gifts to others.

My answer? We're selfishly buying into consumerism without thinking about it. And, it turns out, I am not the only one who is thinking about this. Here's another idea for how to redeem Christmas; by entering into the lives of those we love and those we do not even know - just as God entered into our lives and our world on Christmas Day.

Advent Conspiracy

barabbas

cultural creativity

Today I had the opportunity to sit in on a talk given by Andy Crouch, author of Culture Making. The topic was on the relationship between the Church and culture. I was facinated and drawn in by the ideas he shared. He talked about how historically the Church has taken one of a number of positions toward culture: condemnation, critique, copying, consummer. We've outright condemned the "horrors" of culture - refusing to be part of any of it. We've taken the stance of critic; analyzing it from a number of angles in order to claim our part in it. We've copied it, thus creating "Christian" versions of culture that mimic what is being done in the secular world but with a Christian twist. And finally, we've consummed it, blindly taking in the culture around us without much thought or hesitation.

Andy suggests that rather than any of the above, we create culture, and by creating - we change it. Rather than being driven by fear, suspicion, a need to fit in, or apathetic laziness, we move toward something rather than away from something. We look at the world and ask "what is God doing?" and "how can we as a church join in with His work?" And then we initiate; we cultivate; we preserve what is already good in the world and look for ways to enhance and create more good. Do you love it? I love it! I'm so excited to read his book and learn more about the how and why of all this. I so long to see the Church step out of its corner and be the Church! Jesus is so good; so incredible, and God's work through Jesus is beautiful, full of hope and possibility. Why do we shrink back from that and hold it inward to ourselves? Why do we limit ourselves and act out of fear?

And what does this mean for me? How can I live into this? How can I approach my little world differently as a result?

http://www.culture-making.com/

halloween highlights

A few highlights from my Halloween activities:

- Date night spent making dinner together and staying in to watch a movie... while being interrupted over 10-15 minutes by decked out trick-o-treaters

- Answering the doorbell and being greeted by about eight 3 and 4 year olds; little miniature animals, princesses, fairies, devils, and witches grouped around staring wide-eyed at me while a whole host of parents stood on the sidewalk snapping pictures. Quite an intimidating bunch, these young kiddos.

- An 18 month old little girl dressed fully as the most impressive Gypsy I've ever seen - full colorful ruffled dress with a little bandanna around her probably bald head, toddling unsteadily toward the candy bowl at mom's urging.

- A boy dressed all in black, with various cereal box attached to his front, back and sides. When queried about his costume, he revealed with some charisma that he was dressed as a "cereal" killer - but "all the knives fell out". Knives? Not sure what he meant, but I laughed so hard at his creativity.

- Concluding the evening with an exciting and dangerous game of mafia with the youth group at church, where the lights were turned off while scary music played loudly throughout the building. Listening to the kids make accusations and create elaborate and detailed defenses was priceless.

the fine line: ignorance and fake joy

Just a brief thought for the day; but I am being struck lately at just how much pain there is in life. Last week I was telling my family how entering into the counseling profession has brought me face to face with just how icky life can be for people at times. And for some people, it's not just isolated times that are few and far between. Some people live life at a level far below what you and I even conceive. Yes, there is joy there, too. There is accomplishment and success and pleasure and contentment. But you can't escape the pain. And it is not just within the counseling profession that you encounter this. People I care about are struggling to make ends meet financially. A good friend of mine recently lost a loved one. Another friend recently found out that she had a miscarriage and lost her baby. Both devastating situations. There are hard things in my life, too.

So I propose questions rather than answers (how like a graduate student, right?). How do you remain aware of the reality of the world's brokenness, without sinking into depression? One might answer that we should focus on the good. And I agree! But how do you do that without resorting to living life behind a mask of fake joy? How do you live authentically, acknowledging both the joys and devastations in the world and in your life?

rejoicing amidst decay?

I heard and my heart pounded,

my lips quivered at the sound;

decay crept into my bones,

and my legs trembled.

Yet I will wait patiently for the day of calamity

to come on the nation invading us.

Though the fig tree does not bud

and there are no grapes on the vines,

though the olive crop fails,

and the field produce no food,

though there are no sheep in the pen

and no cattle in the stalls,

Yet I will rejoice in the LORD,

I will be joyful in God my Savior.

The sovereign LORD is my strength;

he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,

he enables me to go on the heights.

Habakkuk 3:16-19

signs of fall

1. The crisp air in the mornings and evenings

2. Rain, mist, drizzle, and downpours (all in one day even!)

3. Red and yellow leaves accumulating along the sides of the streets and across lawns

4. Socks are become a regular part of my wardrobe again

5. Halloween decorations and costumes filling the store aisles

6. Groups of kiddos on street corners, waiting for the school bus (7am??? So early!)

7. Waking up to the dark gray of pre-dawn, rather than bright sunshine

8. Pumpkin spice lattes

introduction to middle school 101

I'm starting to volunteer with our youth group at church, and Wednesday night was my first time hanging out with them. I've spent much more time with high school kids, but there's a lack of female leaders for middle school (as in, they don't have any), and so I'm testing the waters to see if this would be a fit. Holy cow, do these kiddos have a lot of energy! I was exhausted after just 15 minutes, both physically and mentally. Not to mention their wholehearted and blunt curiosity. My favorite part of the evening was facing a barrage of questions thrown at me from a group of 6th and 7th grade girls:

Girls: Which kids are yours? (Um, do I look old enough to have middle school CHILDREN??)

Me: Actually, I don't have any kids.

Girls: Are you married?

Me: Yes.

Girls: Where is your husband?

Me: At home.

Girls: Why isn't he here?

Me: Well, he had other things to work on tonight. (i.e. avoid the craziness that is youth group)

Girls: Do you want kids?

Me: Yes, someday.

Girls: Are you pregnant?

What? Excuse me? I had to laugh at that one. And by the way, the answer is no.

rantings of the compliant one

I need to vent. I’ve spent my day running to and fro, meeting one need after another that in my mind, were not nearly as urgent as the creased brow on the face of the person making the request might have indicated. I’m not a rude person (usually, although I suppose some might argue with this). I generally do what people expect of me, and unless they’ve got me in a particular funky mood, I can do so with a fairly pleasant smile on my face. Sometimes I can even issue quite a genuine apology for the trouble the person has encountered… even in cases where I have absolutely nothing to apologize for. But come on people! Grace! Grace! You do not NEED everything done for you right this minute. It is not my responsibility to anticipate and therefore answer every single question that you might possibly come up with. And just because it is not done right this minute, does not mean that it is MY fault. Maybe you let the ball, drop, huh? Maybe you didn’t respond to a really important email that I sent out. Maybe you didn’t even read it! Maybe it is unrealistic to expect the world of one person, and maybe you should learn to take a little of the burden off of those people who you generally rely on so heavily! Don’t give me excuses!!!

Okay, I know sometimes I am the one demanding something outrageous of another person. I can be whiny and annoying, too. I know that. I accept that. We all have our bad days. So I am not condemning the world while maintaining the illusion that I don’t dish out every bit as much crap at times. All I know is that today I am tired of accepting responsibility for errors that were not mine, I am tired of smiling at people who are irritating me, and I am tired of being praised as “such a helpful person”. For once, I’d love to be the one to say, “Well, that was stupid, wasn’t it? Better luck next time!”

ah, suburbia...

WE FINISHED OUR FENCE! WE FINISHED OUR FENCE! IT'S FINALLY DONE! YAY!

The construction project that was begun on June 28, 2008 is finally complete. Posts are in, frame is attached to the posts - at the correct angles, of course, which, uh, took us a couple tries - the boards are nailed to the frame, and, the entire things is stained a nice shade of cedar! Whew, what a project. Who knew that something as simple as, "let's fence our backyard!" would lead to such exhausting days and tired bodies. Well, actually probably a lot of people knew this would be hard and time consuming. Good for you.

Something else we learned throughout this process is how nice people in our neighborhood are! Our house sits on a corner lot, and because it is somewhat near the entrance to our development, we get a lot of traffic driving past our house (hence the reason for the fence, right?). So as we've been out working on this, pretty much the whole neighborhood has had a chance to observe our progress (or lack thereof at some points, while we waited for it to stop raining or to cool down enough so we didn't die of heat exhaustion). This last week, we've been out every evening, working desperately to finish staining the dang thing. At first the comments of drivers passing by were sporadic and brief: "nice job!", "looking good!", "you're almost there!". And then people started to SLOW DOWN and pause by our yard: "you guys have done a wonderful job", "I hope you are pleased with your work", "we live down the street - thank you for doing such a great job on your fence".

We debated the veracity of people's comments, I mean, it is just a fence! Were people just being nice? But why pause, slow your car, roll the window down (allowing 90 degree heat into your car mind you) and stop to actually chat with us?

So, we've concluded that our neighbors actually are please with the finished product - which is great, because we are too. Only in the suburbs...

the audacity!

We attended a friend's wedding this past weekend and had a wonderful time catching up with some college friends we don't get a chance to see as often as we'd like. We also heard probably one of the best wedding sermons ever. The pastor led off with a statement something along the lines of "no time seems to be a good time for marriage." I know, doesn't seem to be off to a good start, huh? He went on to commend the boldness of people who attempt such a step, pausing to wonder what our dear friends - who, mind you, are standing at the altar waiting to exchange their vows - think they are doing? My favorite phrase was his claim of the "audacity of marriage." I loved the whole thing. Today it seems like people enter into marriages with more thought about the dress, the cake and the music than about what it might mean to love one another until death, in sickness and health, in good times and in bad.

Having just celebrated our 6th anniversary, David and I have now been married long enough to recognize that things are not always as lovely as they were on our wedding day (okay, we probably realized that a while ago!). And I am thrilled to say we are beginning to grasp the truth that there is GREAT boldness and audacity that is required of two people who make a commitment to remain together as partners in life. In a time when the very definition of marriage is being battered from all sides (I heard recently that there are on-going discussions of high commitment marriage licenses vs. low commitment marriage licences, or licences that are designed to expire in 7 years, requiring the couple to renew it), this pastor's message was honest and refreshing. It is not all roses and chocolate, but it is a beautiful thing. It's beautiful because those who have the audacity to enter into marriage and commit to it - and stay committed to it even when it's rough - are a living picture of God's faithfulness to us when we insult, forget, and deny him.

Who are these kids anyway??

the view from portland

One of the things I have come to love about living in the Portland/Vancouver area are the views of Mount Hood. I still get giddy when I go back to my Seattle home and see Mount Rainier looming with its majestic beauty - but I have learned that Mount Hood offers a georgeous panorama as well. This is what I get to see every morning on my way to work or class:

Also, something unique about the views of Mount Hood, is that this mountain, about 4000 feet lower than Mount Rainier, looks vastly different in the winter:

Than it does in the summer:

You can watch the snow melt as summer creeps in!

stories that shape us

One of the many stories that has shaped my life is being told that I remind people of my grandmother. Stylish clothing, pretty jewelery, decorating a home, baked goods and learning to make candies and other yummy treats, an appreciation for beauty, a bit of a feisty streak. These are just some of the things that I remember where someone made the connection between me and my grandma - "you're so much like your grandmother!" My mom told me once that I was my grandma's favorite grandchild because my grandma herself identified with me. I cannot put into words the pride that would come with such comments; I knew this was high praise; that there was a goodness in my grandma that penetrated deep. To be told that people see her in me meant - and means - a lot.

Now that she is gone, I'm left wondering if she really knew that. We weren't close in the sense that we talked frequently or spent a lot of time together, especially since I moved away almost two years ago. We talked regularly, but maybe every couple months or so. It was more that I saw us, as Anne of Green Gables would say, as kindred spirits; so similar in so many ways. Did she know how proud I was to take after her, to see beauty where others saw plainness, to love people and desire to share deeply in their lives? It really aches to wonder. It aches to think of how she never saw my home here and got to appreciate the paint colors I chose or the kitchen we pretty much redesigned. Even more so, she'll never know my children. She got to meet 5 great-grandchildren before she left this earth. But not mine. Regrets.

I'm feeling like a pretty bad counselor, because I can't seem to live out some of the things I remember telling clients this past year: give it time, let the roller coaster emotions come, let yourself mourn, it's normal to feel a little crazy, it's normal for moods to change quickly, it's normal to feel easily irritable... I'm completely at a loss as to how to deal with this! The service was last week, and while before the service I thought I was doing pretty well, now I am not so sure. It was so real and so final and so absolute. And I'd do anything to rewind the summer and have one last opportunity to see my grandma. And it hurts so badly. And I'm really trying to keep going to work and keep going to classes and keep being social with my friends and keep supporting my family and keep praying and seeking God's comfort. But it's all really hard. And then I tell myself I am overreacting; it was "only" my grandma (ouch - that seems terrible to think, let alone type). What the heck??? I am going crazy.

the legacy

When I die, give what is left to the children.
If you need to cry,
cry for your brothers and sisters
who walk beside you.
Put your arms around anyone,
and give them what you need to give me.
I want to leave you something,
something better than words or sounds.
Look for me in the people I have known and loved.
And, if you cannot live without me- then let me live in your eyes-your mind-and your
acts of kindness.
You can love me most by letting hands touch hands, and letting go of children who need to be free.
Love does not die.
People do.
So, when all that is left of me is love,
give me away.

- author unknown -