A dear friend recently told me that while my blog is looking quite pretty, it's a bit lacking in new material. So this one is for you, LB..
I am back into the swing of things with work, school and internship. It feels good to be moving forward again, but I am also feeling the weight of all the items on my to do list. Someone asked me recently "what refreshes you?" and I was a bit stuck to find an answer. There are things I certainly enjoy - but as to what refreshes and restores me? Short of a 10 day trip to Hawaii I was having a tough time coming up with anything. Of course there are things - a good long brisk walk, laughter, friendships, a back rub, music, a hot bath, a glass of wine, time with the Lord. Trouble is, I have a hard time making TIME for these things. My answer to stress is to put on a brave face, revel in the importance of my busyness, and press on. The result? I have a great mask that pretty consistently and conveniently shields me from the world. This is the one thing in common I have noticed as I have been seeing clients - how the inner worlds of people are truly so different from the face on the outside. I had an experience recently - my first semi crisis experience at my internship- that brought up all kinds of emotion in me. Anger, fear, regret, hope, faith, disappointment in humanity, assurance in God, doubt in myself. All wrapped around this one individual and the circumstances that for some reason I was allowed to hear about. It was (and is, since it's not really over) confusing and difficult. And it is really weird to try to process all of this while recognizing that the story isn't mine, and it is not mine to tell. Yet it does impact me so very much. And anyone reading this is probably, like - "what the heck is she talking about?" No, I don't really have a point. Just that I am wrestling through the question of what I reveal to the outside world about me, and how I get it - I get why people hold things in, why they want to be good and be okay and why it is hard to admit that there is anything but pleasant stuff going on. I'm not any better at being real than anyone else.
The Real Me (Natalie Grant)
Foolish heart, looks like we're here again.
Same old game of plastic smile,
Don't let anybody in.
Hiding my heartache,
Will this glass house break?
How much will they take before I'm empty?
Do I let it show?
Does anybody know?
CHORUS: But You see the real me.
Hiding in my skin, broken from within.
Unveil me completely.
I'm loosening my grasp,
There's no need to mask my frailty
Cause You see the real me.
Painted on, life is behind a mask,
Self-inflicted circus clown.
I'm tired of the song and dance,
Living a charade, always on parade.
What a mess I've made of my existence.
But You love me even now
And still I see somehow...
CHORUS
Wonderful, beautiful is what you see
When You look at me.
You're turning the tattered fabric of my life
Into a perfect tapestry.
Oh, I just wanna be me, I wanna be me.
CHORUS
And You love me just as I am.
Wonderful, beautiful is what You see when You look at me.
